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It all started when I saw a video a while ago of someone with Tourette syndrome who had uncontrollable twitches all over his body. Since then, I started paying more attention to whether I had such twitches, which normally occur in everyone before falling asleep or in the transition between sleep and wakefulness. A week ago, I was sitting at my desk and suddenly had a somewhat stronger twitch, which I had never had so strongly before when awake. At that moment, it caught me off guard and I suddenly became afraid that something was wrong with me and that I might have twitches like that guy with Tourette syndrome. All sorts of thoughts ran through my head: "What if there has been something wrong with your motor system for a long time?", "What if your dopamine neurons in the midbrain have been building up for a long time?", "What if you are already in the early stages of Tourette syndrome?" etc.
That was the conflict of "not being able to block my muscle movements properly" or "not being able to control my movements". At that moment I wasn't aware of the exact issue of the conflict, but I noticed that I was a bit shocked and my thoughts were focused on this fear and I started paying more attention to my muscular system to see if there was anything else wrong. Every little movement started to unsettle me and it was almost impossible to concentrate on other things.

From then on, things went downhill. My muscles became very restless and tense and I felt like I needed to make a lot of effort not to twitch and to control my muscular system. I fought against it for two days with conscious control, but that only made it worse and increased my fears that something was wrong.
When I was resting and before I went to sleep in the evening, I had more and more strong twitches in all sorts of muscle areas. At work, I suddenly had problems making fine movements with my hand. I also noticed how much strength it took for me to speak and to finely coordinate my mouth movements. When I stood up after sitting for a few hours, I noticed a strong exhaustion in my muscles and it was difficult to stand. That was another shock for me and I suddenly felt slightly nauseous and dizzy. I realized that I was pushing a whole series of secondary conflicts here and my old vagus nerve (see Porges polyvagal theory) was active because I had no idea how to deal with it. I realized I have to do something now, otherwise everything will only get worse!

I have had situations like this before, which required my entire repertoire of techniques and skills, so I tried to start to get myself back under control. What has turned out to be the most important tool for me on the path to healing is trust in God and in my own destiny: "Whatever my destiny here on earth is, I accept it and accept it", "My soul is eternal and if my learning task is to live with Tourette's or whatever, then I will accept it", "If it is God's plan, then so be it" etc. Whether or not you personally believe in God or fate is not relevant here, but the psychological purpose of such a mental attitude is acceptance. How can you start to heal yourself when you are still fighting against yourself and are full of fear of pain and death? Of course I had absolutely no desire to get Tourette's, but what did fear and worry do me here?
Nothing!

I then realised that I have my body under control and not the other way around! I am the one who causes the symptoms and my body only follows my perception. I also realised that the blocking of my muscle movements by my basal ganglia was somehow affected by the program and focusing on that only makes it worse. Since dopamine determines the fine precision of movements, there must have been a conflict with my ability to move. But it was not a normal motor conflict like I have had hundreds of times before. I have never read anything about it in Hamer. That is why I was unsure. Nevertheless, I could remember the exact moment when this sudden twitch shocked me and what perception I had at that moment. So I had to work on exactly that perception at that moment and understand that behind it was my own fear of getting sick. That also had to be resolved so that it wouldn't happen again. Here again, trust was important, because you don't know what fate has in store for you, but I know that my body is a perfect biological machine and illness is not a coincidence!

So I had to learn to trust my body and let go of my fears because it only makes things worse. So I meditated and focused on letting my body do its thing and not worrying that there was something wrong with me. That was pretty difficult because I kept getting slight to strong twitches (when I was resting) and this unpleasant feeling of tension that I caused myself by trying to maintain arbitrary control.
Nevertheless, I had the impression that I understood what was wrong with me and how I had caused it myself. The next day I felt pain in my cervical vertebrae and it became clear to me that I had resolved an intellectual self-esteem conflict because I didn't know what was wrong with me and what I should do. I also realized that I had to stop concentrating so much on my muscles because that would make my muscle system even more sensitive. I then consciously allowed the twitches, which now occurred more frequently when I was resting. This went on for 1-2 days and then the twitches became less frequent.
Then for 2-3 days I had the feeling that my muscles were "over-controlling" a bit, i.e. it was a bit difficult to make precise movements and I needed a bit more effort for a while. The dizziness and nausea disappeared and I now looked at all the symptoms with a relaxed composure! Now it soon got better and the twitches went back to normal and only occurred now and then with normal intensity, as I was used to and as happens to everyone when resting or before falling asleep. I also noticed that every time the issue was reactivated, the symptoms increased again, not the twitches, but the precision of the movements.
But now it didn't worry me anymore because I knew it was a relapse and if I didn't get worked up about it, it would come back. And that's how it was! My everyday life is now back to normal and I've learned a lot more about myself, my fears and my body.

Finally, a few words from my perspective as a scientist: After this experience, I was able to understand (once again) how quickly one's own fears and worries can gain power over one and how quickly one can create a series of subsequent conflicts that arise solely from the change in everyday life and the usual state of one's body. It also became clear to me that such factors are hardly taken into account in current clinical research because they are so difficult to access or measure. Not that it is not possible, but at the moment we still understand very little about it and it is important on the one hand to develop methods that help to understand these dynamics more precisely and on the other hand to develop integrative therapies. It is important that every doctor and psychologist learns to understand this interaction between the psyche and the body, because you notice how quickly people can get into a vicious circle of their own worries and fears and become increasingly ill as a result. Because I have learned to observe and regulate myself over the years, I consider myself to be experienced in relation to my own body and have gained a lot of knowledge about my psyche/body and know therapy techniques that I can use on myself.
You can now imagine how it is for people who are not yet very experienced in terms of understanding their own body and its symptoms. Such people very quickly get caught in this vicious circle of fear, which is often exacerbated by our current medical system through nocebos & co. I can only imagine how quickly I would have fallen into the vicious circle if I had not known why my body reacted in this way and how it was connected to my perception. My symptoms would probably have continued for days or weeks before I saw a doctor. The doctors would probably not have found anything after a series of tests, but would then have made a number of possible diagnoses such as dystonia or even Parkinson's, Tourette's or multiple sclerosis or similar. Of course, we cannot speak for every doctor here, but experience shows that diagnoses are often played with and the influence that this has on the person is not taken into account.

As an addendum: Cannabis made the symptoms of this program worse by creating a strong state of relaxation. This caused me to have some relapses and coordination of fine movements became more difficult again. Interestingly, at the time, moving the PC mouse with my right hand was very important and the main points of contact between the hand and the mouse were the little finger and ring finger (where the most pressure is applied to move the mouse). Mouse control in particular requires fine coordination, which was impaired. This caused me to have another conflict related to the sensory perception of the points of contact with the mouse. Again, I was not aware of this at first, but it only became clear to me when numbness occurred in my little finger and ring finger. After I recognized this and dealt with it, the symptoms disappeared relatively quickly. It also became clear to me that people who are in such a "Parkinson's" or multiple sclerosis program and have problems with movements as a result can also start subsequent sensory programs that result directly from the limited ability to move and coordinate. There is always a whole "tail" attached when a program affects many areas of life. These exact symptoms are also part of the symptom complex of multiple sclerosis!

 

Comment by Ingmar Marquardt:

Thank you for this great report! We have found exactly the same thing in our 5BN path tracker Tourette research project.

Firstly, the observation that these twitches, which become stronger in vagotonia (as here with cannabis), probably occur throughout the PCL phase, as presented in this experience report with tics.

Secondly, the Tourette department of a clinic in Hanover has observed a massive increase in Tourette-like cases since 2019, the cause of which seems to be the famous Tourette YouTube channel "Gewitter im Kopf" - i.e. that those affected have developed Tourette-like symptoms by watching the YouTuber's tics themselves.

From our 5BN perspective, this is absolutely understandable, just as it is shown in detail in this experience report. So, when you see these fates and movements, you can be shocked and react with fear that you yourself may no longer be able to control your muscles (which can then be the triggering motor conflict that sets this cycle in motion. Or a random, harmless twitch when falling asleep, which is then suddenly perceived as a motor conflict and starts the vicious circle).

We also have a participant in the research project who, after seeing a person with Tourette's, developed exactly the same tic as him, which also points to this mechanism. We hope that we can follow this lead more intensively in the future with other interested sufferers.

 

Report translated by: Monique Hetfeld